DATING WHILE SOBER

Published on : 2017-05-18 20:28:22

So I like to have my first dates over coffee, or even at a bar. I failed to take care of myself and have my own time, just for me. I didn’t realize I had the power to choose who I wanted to date – I usually waited until the guy came up to me and asked me out because I didn’t feel comfortable enough in my own skin to ask him first. In the beginning of sobriety, those odd reactions bothered me. Yet the most recurring issue has been when people assume that my not drinking means that I am somehow judging them  for  drinking.  However, after much painful digging and soul searching I’ve come to realize that I am a worthwhile person and can be confident enough to handle rejection and deal with it in a healthy manner. ” Sure, I didn’t feel lonely anymore, but I found filling that void with meaningless physical contact left me feeling worse. I’ve been given a gift and now try to never lose sight of why I have it or where I came from. But I realized after many failed dates, much introspection and countless therapy sessions, that my delaying telling dates I was an alcoholic in recovery was coming from a place of shame. Other people tried to warn me about mistakes I would want to avoid, but I’m stubborn and don’t like to listen. Self-worth was a big issue for me, and like many people who come into this program I often took the first and easiest thing that came my way, whether that be the drug or the relationship.  My multiple attempts at sobriety were failed mostly because I put my wants before my needs – especially with dating dating while sober. ” It’s a statement that shouldn’t be a big deal. Four years into sobriety, I have developed a simple rule: If someone has any reaction to my sobriety that isn’t immediately ‘good for you,’ I know we are not going to work out.  I see now how I was distracting myself from the new way of life I was trying to live. In my online dating profiles, I always include that I’m the author of “Shitfaced: Musings of a Former Drunk”; that has seemed to decrease the need to explain. I tell them honestly: I’m a recovering alcoholic.

Sure, as a recovering alcoholic, I don’t want to date someone who makes me feel like I’m making out with a bottle of Jack Daniels. I Didn’t Take Care of Myself I’ve been in crazy relationships where the other person and I are texting 24/7 and I can’t seem to get a breath of fresh air without the person’s name in my head. There was one guy who was visibly agitated that I wouldn’t drink, and another man who seemed dumbfounded that I could be physically intimate while sober. Now I know they are a reflection on the other person, not me dating while sober. (Though I recognize that the latter is not a healthy situation for every recovering alcoholic. I could write a whole novel on mistakes I’ve made while dating, but here are just a few. But I have been on plenty of dates where the other person has had a drink or two, I have had zero — and neither of us seemed to notice. 00 per hour “recovery job” and rode the pink cloud, err rather, the city bus to it each day. Though I am open to dating sober and non-sober individuals, I certainly understand that inclination. During my first attempt at recovery I thought I was the cat’s meow and the bee’s knees. In a city like New York, where first dates are usually held over drinks, and initial acts of intimacy are often accompanied by a light buzz, dating as a young sober person has proven to be incredibly confusing.  Go tell your support system and get your butt to a meeting. Take some time to read a book, or meditate – alone. When I first got sober four years ago, I felt the need to “make up for” the fact that I wouldn’t be drinking by planning overly ambitious dates. By Seamus Kirst By Seamus Kirst October 3 Follow @SeamusKirst (iStock) When the gods of love provide, and I am setting up a first date, I take a simple approach: I name a date, time and coffee shop or bar. I Always Waited for Someone to “Find” Me I can pick who I want to date. Five months compared to 15 years of constant using is nothing.

” I often thought in my head “that won’t happen to me.  I carried the weight of my self-esteem issues and insecurities from my addiction into sobriety. READ MORE:Getting sober is one thing, but dating while sober is a completely different animal.simple example program of validating form using onblur function.
. It was coming from my insecurity that I’m less desirable as a romantic partner because I am not able to drink. After all – getting sober in itself was a true feat. By telling the person before the date that I don’t drink, they then have more time to process it, and thoughtfully decide whether they feel comfortable drinking even if I am not. Then, when trying to plan a first date involving a trapeze, I had a realization: I didn’t need to replicate a rom-com plot, just because I didn’t drink. If you and your date hit it off, you can move on to dinner or just keep talking all night. Perspective Perspective Interpretation of the news based on evidence, including data, as well as anticipating how events might unfold based on past events I don’t drink. Getting sober is one thing, but dating while sober is a completely different animal. One day he came over to my house and told me that he wanted to use. Especially when I get bizarre reactions from a date.  I’m not saying judge your significant other’s sobriety, however it would be wise to pay attention when you are dating to see if they are keeping their recovery first. Then, I always slip in one last simple sentence: “By the way, I don’t drink.  After all, I was a young 20-something contributing member of society; no longer taking advantage of those around me. Unlike a full dinner, going for a hike, or seeing a play, if the date is awful, it’s easy to get out of there fast. .

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